Once again, He gave me strength when I needed it most.

I feel blessed. =)

2:52 am

The feeling that you’re already losing your grip - energy drained, sleepy eyes, tired brain - where all you can do as of the moment is to close your eyes, hoping and praying for strength.

Then, you’ll remember the reason why you’re fighting in the first place.

1:24 am:

Why am I studying road signs?
I should be sleeping. Really.

9:02 pm:

Just woke up from deep slumber. And now, watching Windstruck.

1:52 am:

Inspired by the songs that keep me awake 

I couldn’t stop crying as I watched Special A a while ago. Its last episode was really…

Argh. Focus!

Opening the Second Time Capsule

Gummy Bears - this is the name of the blog I used to have before. The said account still exists but I decided to stop updating it since 2009. 

At this very moment, I’m reading my old entries there. (I don’t know. Perhaps, I want to be nostalgic tonight.) And as I try to detach myself from knowing the fact that the writer of that blog was no other than me, a lot of comments are being raised inside my head. Yeah, I smile from time to time. But, I am utterly shocked. Did I really write those entries?

To describe her works, she started to write in a textish manner and was very fond of using ellipsis instead of a comma to denote a pause in her sentences. Aside from those, changing “s” into “z” was also her style of writing– a style that I find now irritating to read - because of forgotten reasons. (Very childish, isn’t it?) And, there’s this one of her posts that I find interesting. (Just because I remember now that it was written as a decoy.) She dedicated it to her deceased grandmother and none of her friends/contacts knew this because the real message needs to be deciphered first. That girl, the one I want to “resurrect” to have a little chitchat with right now, well, was very brave enough to speak and share almost everything she can think of. 

I miss her. Her naivety reminds me of how ideal her dreams were. I guess, realizing that those won’t fit in the real world led to her so-called “death”. But, I am glad to know she left a lot of good stuff for me to read, something to remind me of how and who I was before. Too bad, I am longing to remember more.

Fate, certainly, has a way of changing.

It was a meaningful conversation with my cousin. It made me, again, realize the prejudices in the society I belong to; to be more specific, in the kind of family I am part of.

Sometimes, I get tired of this issue. But nevertheless, it will still be a lifetime struggle of proving them wrong.

This is a part of my life when I start to regret and then, hate myself for a while. It is a very important moment that I should not take for granted since certain things begin to be clearer. You see different perspectives that you never thought of considering before. The significant ones slowly resurface while the others fade away. And by the time this is done, you will realize how incapacitated you are. That having the idea of being enough is not really enough. That you are still weak and vulnerable. It is a quick check of who you are and what you were.

This is a point in time wherein a list of “what should have been done” emerges. It is a very long list, I must say, that all you can do is to stare in confusion. With the limited amount of know-how, you will end up in wonder and immobile, paralyzed by fear.

This is the feeling of unable to do anything to help.

This is why I hate the rain.

Analysis Paralysis

Have you ever thought of asking yourself for an appropriate answer when someone asks “Are you okay?” or for a suitable response when someone wishes and say “I hope you’re doing well.”? It baffles me. What does the word “okay” imply? Can we consider a person doing well when given the fact that he/she is still breathing? What are the standards for this condition? Is there any?

Sometimes, I dare myself to question the person for the definite nature of the query, for what he/she really wants to know. After all, the greatest lie ever told is,

“I’m fine.”